RyanDan - The Face

Traveler of the great divides
Vagrant on a path to life

Everyday feels a little closer
To where it is that you're headed for
Given to a hope of so much more

For every time you fall apart
There'll be a soul to guide your journey
But if you choose to turn away
There in the mirror
You'll see my face
You'll see my face

Think you're on this road alone
Looking for a truth untold

Many times you've been close to breaking
Giving up and letting go
Something inside says it's not over

For every time you fall apart
There'll be a soul to guide your journey
But if you choose to turn away
There in the mirror
You'll see my face

And when the world crowds your space
Remember days when noise was silent
Now empty vows, loveless displays
Just a sense of knowing
You'd see my face
You'd see my face

Ang Tatay Kong si Ribo....

.....hmmmm....kung may Mother's day, syempre may Father's Day....Papoo's Day!

i want to be honest in saying na i am having difficulty drafting a blog for Father's Day...no offense sa tatay ko, pero i was trying to remember ano nga ba ang mga significant moments in life with him...i was "trying" not because wala or kakaunti, but i guess hindi ko lang sya nakasama that long....but still, i want to dedicate this corner sa isa sa dalawang taong utang ko ang buhay ko ang kung anuman ang mayroon ako.

no, hindi hiwalay ang parents kaya ko nasabi na hindi ko sya nakasama that long. its just that the circumstances were "madamot" for us to spend more quality moments together. my father passed away in january 1999. i was 28 then. he was 66. for 12 years, he was downed by a sickness which half of those years he spent in his bed.











Flashback: Matapang ang tatay...siga ng lugar namin!...kilala sya bilang si "Ribo"...i realized na i never bothered to ask what it means and why he was called such....negro (pero hindi naman ganun kaitim), magaling mag majhong, maabilidad, masarap magluto, alaskador, atbp....those are the descriptions i remember about him...those are the words i usually hear people talk about him.

ako at ang tatay ko ay hindi layo sa isa't isa, pero hindi rin close. mabait sya, pero disciplinarian. mabait sya sa akin, wala akong maalalang masama about him. is it because he was a person na nagmamahal pero hindi showy sa taong mahalaga sa kanya? then it feels good that it is an assurance na mahal ako ng tatay ko.

i was 10 when he left for saudi arabia para humanap ng ibubuhay sa walong anak. responsable dba? i should be thankful for having him na he sacrificed himself to be away sa family to find better opportunities para mabuhay ng maayos ang kaniyang pamilya...i remember kaming magkakapatid take our turns in recording voice messages sa casette tape para ipapadala sa kanya sa saudi. sometimes, we also write letters for him. bata pa ako so hindi ko masyado naiisip ano ba ang halaga nung mga iyon para sa kanya. all i know, ikinukuwento ko sa kanya na honor ako! hehehhee. i hope nakapagdulot iyon ng inspiration sa kanya...that time na his sacrifices are not in vain. although in those times that i have to receive my awards tuwing recogniton day, hindi namin sya kasama. he can only settle sa mga pictures that we have to send to him courtesy of a photographer. i know he wished na siya ang nagsasabit ng medalya sa pagkatali-talino nyang anak! hehehe.

i was 15 when he finally settled back sa pinas. twas a big adjustment to all of us to see him around with us again. for 5 years hindi namin sya kasama...for 5 years ang bahay ay walang "haligi" na physically ay kasama...for 5 years, we were reared solely by other mother. those were the 5 years i was in teenage years...hindi ko sya sinisisi, hindi ako galit sa kanya. nauunawaan ko na ang sitwasyon ang nagdala sa amin sa ganung state of feeling na gone are the years na we were growing up, pero wala sa tabi namin, kundi ang image lamang ng ama...na tanging isang ama lang ang pwedeng gumanap ng ganoong papel. hindi ako pwedeng magreklamo kasi he had his share of sacrifices to be away sa amin...hindi rin naman sya naging masama...hindi sya nambabae....so, SALAMAT PO!...

kung sino man sa aming magkakapatid ang nagmana sa pisikal na hitsura ng tatay ko...sabi nila ako yun - ang hugis ng katawan, ang mga balahibo sa braso at dibdib, ang nakakalbong buhok, etc. so anak mo nga ako! hehehee....

january 10, 1986....nagulantang na lang sa bahay namin to be informed na natumba ang tatay ko while jogging sa isang subdivision. he was rushed sa isang malapit na hospital and we were informed na he suffered stroke...."what??? ano daw??? ano yun???...." yun na lang nasabi ko. sabi nila, kasi malakas daw magyosi tatay ko. d naman sya lasenggo. wala na akong naintindihan kundi nagbara ang ugat nya sa ulo kaya na-paralyze ang kaliwang bahagi ng yang katawan...sad to say, that was a day before my scheduled examination for DOST scholarship kaso i have to give it up kasi taranta na lahat sa bahay namin....i have to "blindly" accept some responsibilities sa bahay that mamoo can no longer do kasi she needs to take care of her better half at this time na kailangan sya nito. ok lang, ganun talaga. we have to help each other sa mga ganitong pagkakataon.

he went through medications, therapy, etc para he could recover...and few years after he was walking on his own pero pipilay pilay and hirap magsalita...pero not after 6 years when he probably gave up the fight. he stayed in his bed and stayed sick. i am not sure but he probably felt he doesnt want to prolong the agaony....and for another 6 years, he was taken care of sa kanyang bed. i should have to recognize and appreciate the hardships that my two brothers went through to take turns in taking care of him. i was in college then sa UP Los Banos and was staying in the dorm at weekends lang umuuwi.

it went same on years after years until in 1999 when he completely gave up...i dunno. was i able to encourage him to continue the fight?...was i able to give him inspiration to continue living because we're there for him?.......dko masagot pero if he says i was not able to do it, sorry po. cguro kasi dko alam....when he left, hindi ako masyadong naiyak. not because hindi ko sya mahal, not because hindi sya mahalaga sa buhay ko....siguro hindi lang kasi na-establish ang role nya sa akin bilang tatay. hindi ko sya sinisisi. in fact, paulit-ulit kong iisipin at ipagpapasalamat ang kanyang sakripisyo. kung hindi man ako naiyak, hindi na importante. ang alam ko, mabuti syang ama....and again, SALAMAT PO!

Balik sa Present: i would like to remember ang Tatay kong si Ribo ngayong araw na ito, possibly not in a grandeous manner. isang pasasalamat at pag alala sa kanya. ngayon na mag isa na lang si mamoo, wala na si papoo. wala na ang haligi ng tahanan at si mamoo na ang umako. hindi man ganun karami ang maaalala kong moments with him, i should say mapalad kami to have him....i hope na i make him proud with what i become because of how they have brought me up, i hope i make him feel na hindi nasayang all what he have sacrificed and gave up for us...and i hope sa kanyang bagong mundo ngayon, ay baon nya yung mga bagay sa aming pamilya na he was inspired with.

we will continue to remember you...we will continue to appreciate you.
and i hope na kung anuman ang hindi namin masyadong napagsaluhan when you were with us, mapagsaluhan natin when we see each other again....bawi tayo!

again, SALAMAT PO....at hindi ko yata naalalang nabigkas ko ito sa iyo, kahit shy akong sabihin....MAHAL KITA TATAY KO!